"The true work of art is but a shadow of the divine perfection." - Michelangelo

well its been quiet a long time since i have had a chance to write in my journal here or do anything besides my honors related work.So well i want a break tonight and so i have decided to take a break here and to write something. I have found out alot about myself in this past 1 year, its as if i have found myself growing as a person and as an artist, with everything that i see going on around me, with the people dying, with the tragedies of life and with the misconceptions people create about other people, believes, religions, aesthetics, the value of life! Its all just so confusing? why are human beings trapped so deep within their own created webs? is life really value less? or does it actually have any value at all? why is it that human beings have forgotten their own value and they resort to so much of bloodshed and violence? as an artist and more over as a human being, i just find my mind boggling over these thoughts, these questions and yet i cannot seem to get any answers, is respect not the answer? is love and understanding not an answer? shouldn't humanity be humane? and shouldn't human beings, regardless of caste,culture,creed or difference of religion love each other? are these not the answers we all seek for .. so why is that we find ourselves struggling to believe them and to actually work on them!

I wonder from time to time, i question my heart and my soul, looking for descriptions to define myself .. to give a meaning to my existence, yet i cant find those words, because i end up in the conclusion that my soul and me cannot be put down in words, cause with time , with an instant words lose there meaning yet i am meaningful, and will never be meaningless. So i am undefined, i am free and i am at the end of everyday, no one else but just plain ol'me!

I live through this alone,
The heart calls upon to the departing soul,
Tragedy, the symphony, of a dying soul.

pure as the glistening, sparkling waters of fountains and lakes of places unknown,
rivers, seas far away to the magical place.
where my dreams wont fade and decay,
here death wont be named, wont be known
dreaming of free dreams, of air with stardust,
here life knows know boundary
here the soul dances to tunes never heard before

here the nights are filled with solitude,
with blue,purple and reds
drifting in the skies above.
the winds blow in a rhythmic pattern singing as they flow
and the trees swing with such passion, the leaves adding to the glory, the beauty of this whole action

the beauty of this place is ever lasting
here death knows no hold,
life prevails with passion
souls are embedded with compassion

the nights are magical but the days are more of a celebration
with the sun sparkling, in full bloom, spreading warmth through this magical place not seen, not known
its rays soft so soft in their touch and pleasant as they fall,
happiness is an everyday routine
laughter can be heard from with in all corners of this beautiful dream...

sitting and staring at the screen of my laptop, i wonder to myself as to what and why is life such an answerable question to me.I cant get over the fact that it is sometimes so depressing in so many ways that even though you really want to express yourself you cant! no matter how hard you try it doesnt happen! Iam finding myself surrounded by strange thoughts tonight.Thoughts which take me deep within myself, where i find darkness and my soul wanting to escape, wanting to be free and to fly away.I wish, sometimes that life would be like the never ending beautiful green field and my soul would be the wind that sweeps through this field.I just wish it so much.

I am sad tonight! Sad and yet happy, content yet lonely. Refreshed by the thought that "there will be a time someday when my soul sets free" yet tired of waiting! Ive given so much to so many people ive come to know through out my life, yet they want more and i dont have more within me to give to those who have nothing within them to accept who i am.No more!